Tall Tales of a Puffy Shirt

Seinfeld "Puffy Shirt"

We all know of it.  Even if you weren't a regular fan of the show Seinfeld, there's a good chance you've heard of some of the show's most legendary episodes: The Contest, Man Hands, Real and Spectacular.  It was one of the greatest sitcoms ever.  One that took the most formulaic elements of the sitcom and turned them inside out in it's own Bizarro world sort of way.  I mean who would have ever imagined so much hilarity could result from the Seinfeld gang focusing on one item - The Puffy Shirt.  An episode so memorable, the actual shirt ended up in the Smithsonian Institute.

But I'm not here to do a break down play by play of what makes this episode comedy gold.  I'm here to investigate.  Heck, I may even be here to instigate.  Because the story of how the Puffy Shirt got to be on Seinfeld and ultimately part of the collection at the Smithsonian Institute may be it's very own mystery.

Peter in puffy shirt in mid-1980s

'You know the shirt I use to wear as a Prince impersonator?  I sold that to a television writer on Seinfeld!'  Of course I remembered that shirt.  Back in the mid-80s my cousin Peter was a Prince impersonator and a damn good one.  He got quite a bit of work impersonating the Purple One, and when he needed costumes replicating what Prince wore at the time with detail and accuracy, there was only one person he needed to go to - my Mom.

My Mom was (and is) an incredibly talented artist.  At the age of 18 she was offered a scholarship to go to Paris to study clothing design at Christian Dior.  She was forced to decline by her mother (actually the aunt that raised her) who said 'the only girls who go to Paris are prostitutes and whores.'  Nice.  My Mom had to settle for her other dream in life - to marry and to have a bunch of kids.

But the clothing design bug didn't leave her.  Her kids always had the best Halloween costumes.  When my sister got into gymnastics in the mid 70s-early 80s, my Mom along with one of the other mothers at the gym revolutionized leotard design.  They custom made the outfits for my sister's gymnastics team that went beyond the single color and occasional stripe wear that had bored the sport of years.   After that we saw an explosion of styles, colors and designs being adapted and incorporated by gymnasts around the world.

So in 1984, when Peter needed a Puffy Shirt that looked just like the one Prince wore in Purple Rain, he called my Mom.  She got to work and in no time put together a shirt just like Prince's.

Purple Rain

Impersonatin'

Of course a career impersonating Prince could only last so long.  When it was time to hang up his lacy tights, I had no idea what Peter did with all those costumes he put together with help from Mom.  That is until he told me his story of the ultimate fate of the Puffy Shirt.

Now according to Hollywood's history, the shirt was created by Seinfeld clothing designer Charmaine Simmons.  From an article in the Washington Post (2004)

"The real-life designer of the Puffy Shirt, Charmaine Simmons, came to the Smithsonian last night and explained that when she was told by the show's producers to come up with a pirate look, she decided to create "the most uncomfortable, unwearable shirt you could find." She thought of a hideous shirt her mother gave her back in the 1970s. The Puffy Shirt, she decided, would have a high collar, to inhibit breathing. She added elastic bands to the sleeves to quadruple the puffing action. She gave the shirt a long front ruffle to make the wearer unable to dine without dipping the fabric in the plate of food."

Case closed?   Maybe.  Maybe not. 

Yes, puffy pirate shirt designs date back centuries.  It had a bit of resurgence among rock stars in the 1960s.  See Jimi Hendrix.  That the design could eventually work it's way to fashion lines for everyday people of that era is not unthinkable, Ms. Simmons.

Jimi Hendrix

The episode was written by show creator Larry David and I have yet to find any interview with the writer/actor/comedian (or any other writers from the show for that matter) going into detail of how the got the idea for the puffy shirt in the first place.  But one thing they do claim is Charmaine Simmons created the shirt for the show.  Unfortunately, my cousin can't remember the name of the writer he sold his shirt to.  However, he does remember running in to him again after the episode aired and asking if that was his shirt.  The answer?  Indeed it was.

All I have is speculation.  Knowing what I know about people who work in Television, they aren't necessarily the most honest people in the world.  Getting credit for another persons work is not unheard of and probably happens more than you know. < --- End Personal Speculative Rant --- >

Okay, I also have photos.  I've asked my Mom what she remembers about the shirt.  She remembers Peter bringing her a woman's blouse and that she changed the buttons on it, added the elastic to sleeves to make them puff the way Prince's Purple Rain shirt did, added the three ruffles down the center as well as the ruffles on the end of the sleeves.

exhibit A	exhibit B

Seinfeld shirt on display at the Smithsonian

I don't know if it's awesome to think that my Mom may have a shirt in the Smithsonian or sad that she'll probably never get credit for it.  Truly there is only one winner here:

"Game:  Blouses."

  

Afternoon snap

 

Afternoon snapshots: With my trusted guide Rosie. I've seen her take down two milkbones with her bare paws. Total badass. #urbansafari 

Horoscope

 

So fitting for my adventure today! 

The walk back

 

The heat rises. Alas, it is time to end my urban safari. I walk the half mile or so back to the home of my host. An ancient dwelling constructed in the 1920s. More Angelenos have stirred awake and head to the bazaar. They do not speak as they pass. I do not speak as I pass. It is their way. I do my best to blend in. And bid a fond farewell to the Mid-Cities shopping and restaurant district. #urbansafari 

Indigenous food - part 2

 

While the cuisine of the Angelenos borrows heavily from all corners of the world, this is unmistakably part of the local culture - the juice cleanse. #urbansafari 

Indigenous food

 

Further exploration of the bazaar I found "Farmer's Market," an area where I could sample the indigenous food. Amazingly, the native cuisine bears the extraordinary influence of cuisines from around the world. Spectacular! I chose French. #urbansafari

Local village

 

Happened upon a local village whose name is pronounced in native tongue "The Grove". This village plays host to a sort of bazaar where locals exchange coin for goods. Fascinating! #urbansafari 

Shadow portrait

 

Portrait of an urban safarist. An early start was important before the blazing 80 plus degree temps with cool ocean breeze from the west kick in. #urbansafari 

Pan Pacific park jungle

 

 To the east of the Broadcast Center Falls we have the beautiful landscaping at Pan Pacific Park. Wonderfully crafted to give the illusion a wild beast could burst thru the brush to pounce upon it's prey at any moment. #urbansafari 

CBS fence

 

 Amazing how nature will burst it's way thru any manmade constructs. Here the bougainvillea gently crawls over the CBS Studios fence. Making it's slow escape to better, purer pastures. #urbansafari 

Daybreak

 

Day breaks upon the city. First stop - the cascading falls of the Broadcast Center Apartments. #urbansafari 

Hat

Because of the heat and because I have to do a lot of walking in it for the week, I've been wearing this hat. It makes me feel like I'm on an urban safari.

 

larcollins|music - Heads Will Roll Part 3 - A Day In The Life In The Studio

"Look, if you had, one shot. Or one opportunity. To seize everything you ever wanted. In one moment. Would you capture it, or just let it slip?"

Now add to that not having a drummer.  I decided to go with Jon's guy.  And here's the embarrassing part - right now I can't recall his name (I'm sooo sorry!).  Honestly, remembering names is a big problem for me.

Anyway, day saved.  I had a drummer for the session.  Great sigh of relief.  I hoped.  We would soon see as we all sat down for the first time to run through the song.

Okay, first run through a little shaky and a lot off.  But only Jon and I had played together before.  We have a new guy and it may take a few run throughs for things to start clicking.
Okay, a few run throughs and it's still sounding shaky.  Maybe turn up the click in all of our headphones.  Let's take five and get some goodies from the Fish Lounge.

After the break we take another stab at it.  Trying to play the basic backing track live to tape (or computer if you will).  At this point I'm starting to worry.  I don't think this really nice guy who graciously volunteered his time for my session can play to a click.  Two hours in to the session and the three of us playing the song together just does not sound good.

At that point I asked Jamie the engineer if we could record our parts separately.  I really didn't want to squander any more precious studio time in the hopes that the drummer would at some point hit the mark.  Sometimes you have to make that decision to call a spade a spade.  I knew individually Jon and I would be able to hit our parts.  We've recorded together before.  As for the drummer, maybe if he had more than just a click to work with it would help.

I 

I go first.  And I nail my bassline IN ONE TAKE!  That's how we do it, b*tches!  I felt like throwing down the mic, raising my hands and walking out.  At the end of the movie "The Breakfast Club," Anthony Michael Hall's character gives himself a congratulatory punch in the shoulder for a job well done.  That was me.  I will never be the greatest bass player in the world.  But I will always be solid and dependable and I'm immensely proud of that.

Up next ... well I wanted Jon to go next, but, logically it was better if the drummer took his turn.  Okay, given the new direction we were going with recording and having my track and the click to guide him with no other distractions, this could work.  *Sigh* ... take after take after take after take ... he'd start off good, lose his way, find his way back, meander hither and fro...  I looked to Jon.  He has had more recording experience than I do, but he deferred back to me.  It was my song and my session.  Ultimately, it was my decision what to do.  Victor, oh Victor, why had you forsaken me!

In that moment I realized there were two things I could do:  I could pout and be pissed off that Victor bailed on the session; be mad at this drummer for not meeting my standards and declare defeat that my session was completely ruined.  Or I could take a step back and and ask myself what the greater lesson was for me in the grand scheme of things?  I've always wanted to be a music producer.  In that moment, when Jon deferred back to me, I knew these difficulties were meant for me so I could step up and BE that music producer!

From then on, I took over my own session.  I decided to do one more take with the drummer.  Still not good enough, but I felt we had enough takes to stitch something decent together.  I had him add some percussion instruments - tambourine, shaker, frame drum - gave him some direction on what I wanted him to play for those takes.  When I wanted him to play.  Called it when I felt I had enough decent material to work with.  Just like a real producer.

If this were my career, if this is what I did every day, then challenges such as these would be par for the course.  It was such a great lesson to learn.  It's also one I've had to re-learn throughout this process.  Getting the recording completed in the studio that day was only half the battle.  But you know what?  Facing those challenges and taking command was a lot of fun!

larcollins|music - Heads Will Roll, Part 2 - Up Sh*t Creek Without A Drummer

Back to December 2012.  My birthday that day had already been special after receiving the gift of studio time at a major recording studio.  But my day was far from over.  I had been invited by my friend and former bandmate Victor to meet up for birthday drinks at the Culver Hotel.  Victor and I share birthdays and have celebrated ours together in the past.  It had been a while since we'd seen each other.

I got there as most people were leaving but to my pleasant surprise another former bandmate of ours was also there  - Jon!  I hadn't seen Jon in years either since he moved back east.  I had been in a few bands with both of these guys.  The last one together being The Lula Stream, which to this day is the band that deeply broke my heart when we broke up.

I don't believe in coincidences, but it took me a few days for it to dawn on me.  How interesting was it that I'd unexpectedly run into two former bandmates right after I offered studio time?  Not just any two bandmates, but musicians I admired and absolutely trusted.

My session was set for January 4, 2013 in Studio A at Hensons.  I was nervous, anxious and excited as hell.  We wouldn't be starting until that afternoon, but of course something like this could never go smoothly, right?  That morning I hear from Victor.   He can't do the session.  

F***!!!  I have no drummer.

For the next few hours it was a mad scramble trying to find someone to replace him.  I mean someone who would work for free!  The one thing I was counting on with Vic was I knew I could trust his timing.  It's my biggest musical pet peeve - you can do all the fancy crap in the world on your instrument - flames could shoot from your fingers - but if you can't play to a click?  As far as I'm concerned you're completely useless. (Kids, always practice to a metronome.  You'll thank me later.)

 

I had friends who had friends willing to fill in for Victor.  Even Jon, who was still on for the session, knew someone.  But I was flying blind.  I was up sh*t creek without a drummer.  I needed to know whoever was coming in, had good timing.  I decided to go with Jon's guy.  I trusted Jon so I figured anyone he brought in had to be pretty good.  Right?  Right?

larcollins|music - Heads Will Roll, Part 1 - original demo

My latest music production project and the one I am learning the most from.  In December 2012, I was given the ultimate birthday gift.  It was something I had dreamed of getting since I was a tween - studio time at a professional recording studio.

Yes, that is an odd gift for a 12 year old to wish for.  But at that age I had decided I wanted to be a music producer.  I didn't want to be the famous singer or in a successful band (those fantasies would rise and die later), I wanted to be that guy (there were virtually NO female music producers back then) in the studio, putting everything together.  Deciding which echo effect goes where.  What instruments should be together.  Somehow at that age I understood the role of a music producer and I knew deep down that's what I wanted to do.

So 30 plus years later, I am back to focusing on making that 12 year old's dreams come true.  Imagine how floored I was when my co-worker arranged with the manager and head engineer at Henson's Recording Studio to let me record there for one day!  I'm almost collapse to the floor and cried.  Most amazing gift ever.

My session was set for January 2013.  I had to decide which of the songs I had written throughout my lifetime was going to get the full blown audio day spa treatment.  It came down to what was currently my favorite among the songs I've ever written, a song called "Girlcrush (Won't You Come Home)" and "Dark Rotary"

"Dark Rotary" didn't even have an official title until long after it had been written.  But, duh, in the chorus I repeat the line "Heads will roll" so the name of the song was staring me in the face.  I posted "Dark Rotary" on SoundCloud along with several other original tunes I had written but for some reason this particular song seemed to inspire the most listens.  As much as I love "Girlcrush," more people were connecting with the other song - so "Dark Rotary" won out.

I had taken the demo of the song off SoundCloud since I was going to be recording a true professional version.  Today I put the demo back on the site as a way to demonstrate the evolution of the song from home demo to professional recording.  And also to document what lessons I've learned along the way.