Confession of the Week

This is not a new segment on the blog. Don't get use to it. I just had a fun experience this week, but I'm starting to wonder if the after effects were worth it. Dammit!

You see, there's this local newscaster I use to have a crush on. I mean, who wouldn't? Dude is hot! I remember seeing him on TV many years ago. It was about three in the morning and I couldn't sleep so I did what most people do in that situation. I flipped on the TV. I found some odd show on at that ungodly hour that was about the paranormal and UFOs and stuff like that. He was the host. All I could think of was 'who is that and where has he been all my life?'

Of course as these things go I never saw another episode of that show. Oh I looked, but I seemed to catch the tale end of it's run. I tried to remember the host's name for future reference. But my memory being what it is, and was then - fat chance. You do what any normal human being would do; you move along. But you hope to see such loveliness pop up on your TV screen again in the possible future.

A few years later and I'm settled in my new apartment in Los Angeles, working on my morning routine - you know, wake up, turn on the TV, at some point roll out of bed and get dressed for work, etc. I go through morning routine TV phases. Could be a nationally broadcast morning show for a few years, could be no TV at all just to enjoy the peace and quiet. I mean who wants all that bad news to digest just after you wake up?

I like the balance I discovered with watching the local news. Especially one particular channel here in Los Angeles who pioneered the local morning goofy newscast. The serious issues of the city were leveraged with the teasing and prodding and joking the newscasters did with each other. One morning I woke up earlier than usual, flipped on the TV to this channel and guess who was hosting the early, early edition of this newscast?

Alas, I found him again! He was local. So local that the studio they broadcast from is less than two miles from my apartment. I searched his name on the Internet and, yes, it was the same guy who hosted that show I saw once in the middle of the night. From then on, sometimes I'd wake up earlier on purpose. Sometimes he'd be charged to fill in for someone on the later, early morning newscast. I wasn't complaining. What a lovely way to wake up every day.

Flash forward a few years - maybe it was because I was getting older, maybe I was stuck in a morning news rut, but I decided I needed a change from the goofy morning news thing. Oh, my guy was still there and as good looking as ever, but after so many years of crushing on someone from afar you begin to think 'what's the point?' It's a fantasy. He's out of your league. He's unobtainable. Add to that now you know he's taken. I found this out just after I learned he also likes to play the guitar (DUUUUDE! Could you be any more perfect?) I also remember one morning him mentioning he got a gift from his sweetie. For the record, his sweetie wasn't me. Then and there I decided to put my crush away.

For some reason this year I decided to return to the goofy morning news format I had given up so long ago. Okay, I know exactly why; 2009 hasn't been a fun year. At all. I've had tragedy and hard times in my personal life this year. It was depressing to turn on the TV every morning to hear everything else was going to hell as well. A couple months ago I decided to check in on my old local news. It was nice to hear about less scary local issues. It was nice to see, while a few faces in the newsroom had changed, the same goofy spirit remained.

It was also nice to see a familiar handsome face was still there. Although that didn't mean I was breaking my crush out of the mothballs. Nope. Now he was just that still great looking guy I use to have a crush on who is still anchoring the early, early local morning goofy news. Nothing more.

This week, to kick start the Thanksgiving spirit, the station got together with a couple fire departments around town to host a food drive. Great. I've had some boxes of mac n' cheese that I bought in bulk that I could donate. I bought them back when I had a relative living with me, for extra food to fix, but, honestly, I'm not the biggest fan of mac n' cheese. Once the relative moved out, the boxes sat there.

Double great. One of the fire stations that would be serving as a food drop stop was near where I work in West Hollywood. So I continued piddling around my apartment, getting ready for the day, news on in the background, trying to remember to drop off mac n' cheese stash on the way to work. One instant I look up at the TV and guess who had just arrived at the WeHo station to help out with the food drive?

'I should do it' I thought. I went from trying to remind myself to make the drop off to telling myself I should not miss this opportunity! I could go see my former crush in person, all in good fun. I could take look, maybe say hi, and then be on my merry way to work. No expectations. No ridiculous fantasies. I was curious if seeing him in person would reignite my crush. So what if it did? I haven't crushed on someone in a long time. In fact because of my luck lately, it would be nice to see someone I found attractive. I was beginning to think something was wrong with me.

Plus, me being older, more mature, and generally over the 'I can't live without you' kind of crap you believe when your young, re-igniting a fun little unobtainable crush wouldn't hurt anybody. At least I'd feel something again. Even better I'd understand it's place and not pretend there was anything more than that.

So I did it. I grabbed my bag of food to donate and drove to the fire station. I saw him and another newscaster in front of the station talking to each other as I drove up. I parked around the corner, hopped out the car with my little bag and went for it. Neither of them saw me when I first walked up. His back was turned to me while he was talking to the other guy. I thought, fine, I got a glimpse. I'll just drop of the food with the fireman manning the food table and just say hi on my way out if they happen to look up.

As I pass them on my way to the table I hear the other newscasters say 'Are you here to donate food?' Que deer in headlights look. 'Oh hey. Yeah, I'm here to donate food.' I'm looking back and forth between them, and back at the food table, and the other newscaster walks up to me to take the bag. I hand it to him with an 'uh, what do I do now' look on my face. He takes it to bring it to the table saying "great!", leaving me with "The Crush."

And my god, he's beautiful in person. He looks at me, puts out his hand to shake mine. We look each other directly in the eye, he shakes my hand and says "Thank you." I have no idea what I replied. Probably said "Sure!" I just know I had the biggest smile on my face. Then I noticed at that moment Mr. Unobtainable Crush from all these years was giving me a look that said he might not be so unobtainable. Holy crap!

We let go hands (my god, great hands!) and we both kind of shyly walked away from each other. I went back to my car, hopped in and went to work. I spent the rest of the day wondering did I experience what I think I just experienced? My crush is definitely back along with something more. Like if circumstances were different, or I had a stroke of dumb luck for a change, who knows? But things being as they are, I couldn't pursue anything without coming across as some crazy stalker. Damn, damn, damn.

It's just nice to feel something for someone again. Even if its a fleeting thing. And if I gain anything from this encounter, at least I've very much clarified what's my type.

Yeah, just my luck, he's probably gay.